January 31, 2010

Sometimes it pays to go up to the guy you think might be out of your league and say hi. You might just be pleasantly surprised.

January 25, 2010

No matter what you have in your refrigerator or pantry, there's always something there to make a pot pie, or at least something you can call a "pot pie" and then dare your dinner guests not to eat.

January 24, 2010

Lesson learned (finally):
Don't leave bottles of narcotics in open view of guests. It's like leaving out an open box of doughnuts at a Weight Watchers meeting. I just hate that there are so very few people I can trust not to steal from me.

January 22, 2010

I'm too old to go to bars where I have to get patted down and empty my pockets before entering.
I'm also too cheap to pay a cover charge for a bar where I am the one providing the entertainment.
*cough cough* Starz on Valley *cough cough*

But...

I'm not too proud to admit I was wrong about Stella Artois. Damn, that beer is good, and it goes to show that every dark cloud can have a delicious beer-flavored lining.

January 21, 2010

Everyone loves a little drama. It's what makes an otherwise mundane existence a little more lively, a little more interesting.

But those people who say they don't like it? Man, stay AWAY from them, because it's like a full-on Shakespearean festival of drama with those folks.

Remember, the most surefire way to tell if someone is crazy is for them to tell you they aren't.

January 20, 2010

Beating someone with a bag of oranges does not leave bruises. Please remember that if one of your hos gets out of line. It's important to keep one's pimp hand strong.




In related news, I feel like I've been beaten with said sack of oranges. Even though I still want to live and have fun like I'm 25 years old, my lower back has different plans.

January 19, 2010

For those of you who claim to vote to do God's will, please remember that while you may be fooling the rest of the world, God knows the hatred, and unfortunately, the self-loathing that is really in your hearts.